Frustrated

If you’re like me at all and have had some mental or physical challenges in life, you have searched the web and been to a number of different doctors, naturopaths, counsellors…etc! And if you’re like me, you might also  feel like you are asking for the moon, while trying to find healing.

In all my searching and the things I have tried, I have discovered that there is only so much I can do. I can do my part in eating as healthy as I can, allowing myself treats and comforts, of course.  I have been trying not to  get caught up in trying to eat perfectly. It’s impossible!!! Unfortunately in today’s foods, we find toxins – and lots of them. Even if I eat all vegetables and fruit, I am still poisoning myself with farming chemicals. Who can realistically afford to eat organically all the time?  Not me.

I’ve come to the place where I know that part of life is going to have to be taking supplements to get rid of all the toxic garbage I’m taking in. I have given up trying to eat my way to health. It’s not realistic. I can be reasonable in what I eat and try to get in the things my body needs but that’s it. There’s no point in getting discouraged anymore over something I cannot control.

I really wish I knew the right supplements to take though. There is so much out there, it’s hard to know what the right thing is. To keep my body in top function, I’d need to spend over $100 every month on digestion aids, mineral supplements and bowel therapy. Where does it end? It shouldn’t be this complicated or expensive to stay healthy. How about that Garden of Eden, hey?! Can’t wait til Heaven.

The Divine in the Daily

A challenging message today, from God’s Daily Agenda.

1 Peter 1:15  As He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct.

Third paragraph: Believers are called to be holy, to belong entirely to God, and, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to reflect His nature….So never tolerate, justify, or excuse that which draws you away from God. After all, the Almighty did not send His beloved Son to die for your happiness, prosperity, or health, but for your holiness.

That’s pretty challenging! I love my job and where I work (local high school) but I am surrounded by negative attitudes, cursing, and gossip. I am grateful that I only work from 9-12 pm because it gives me the afternoon to come home and flake and recharge my batteries. If I’m having a down day, it’s pretty easy to lose my cool when a student lips off to me. It’s difficult not to get caught up in gossip. It’s difficult to not judge others when I don’t know their circumstances and why they are so mean in class.

But 1 Peter says …”you also be holy in ALL your conduct.” Not just some of it, but all of it. I need to be the same person no matter what crowd I’m in. I need to reflect God’s character, not my own. And like the reading says, God let his son die so that I’d become more holy. It’s not about health, wealth, and prosperity. I don’t know why we think we are entitled to comfort and ease.  It’s about character.

God’s Daily Agenda

The last paragraph on today’s message says, “It is wonderful to offer God our praise and to express our needs, but to leave His presence before He speaks is a travesty. Waiting upon the Lord and listening to Him are foundational to our relationship with Him.”

Ecclesiastes 5:2  “Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. Therefore let your words be few.”

What does my time look like with God? Well, usually I read a short devotional with a verse or two of scripture. I generally like to read the whole chapter to get a good sense of context. I then try to apply it to my life in a practical way. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s not. Then I typically journal if I have time or energy.  If I was to read back to what I’ve written in my journals, I’d probably find a lot of asking God for help.

God please help my kids to bet the people you want them to be, God please help me to be a good mom and wife, please guide the leadership at church and bless them for their efforts…there’s generally confession in there too and gratitude for what Christ did for me…redemption and salvation. What a gift! I try to allow the Holy Spirit to guide my prayer but when I’m done, I don’t often take time to listen to what He might want to say to me. I have the patience of a fly.

This reading is a good reminder to me that I should take time to listen to my Father. He has important truths for me to learn and I’m sure He wants me to hear Him when He tells me He loves me. I don’t want to miss that.

Pride vs Praise

What I read about in God’s Daily Agenda  with Henry and Richard Blackaby

1 Corinthians 10:12,13  “If you think you are standing strong, be careful, for you, too, may fall into the same sin. But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it.

I’m guessing that you might be a little like me. Someone (hopefully in a gentle way) points out a flaw that you have and you know you have it, but now you know it’s obvious because someone decided to “help you become a better person.”  If you are like me, you already fret about it and kick yourself down whenever you make that same mistake or fall into that same sin.

What Henry or Richard suggested in today’s reading is that when we have a little victory and get it right, we should praise God for our success. Why? Because often when we are celebrating a success, sometimes in a prideful way, Satan then takes an opportunity to lure us into sin again. (and we often fall for it)

This happens to me all the time. When I am working on a particular character trait, I find that Satan nails me all over the place. He wants to see if I really mean it. So, I’m gonna try doing what Henry and Richard suggest and praise God the next time I have victory over something habitual. We’ll see if it lessens the temptation.

Falling Apart

Let’s just say it’s been a rough few days. Once again I am on a search for good health. I am trying to survive through my week without a supplement I take everyday for hormonal  imbalances. My supplier ran out and I have not discovered where else to get it  but online. So I wait patiently for it and in the meantime, lose my head. I guess it’s a good testimony that the supplement (Yam Cream) really does something and it’s not just my imagination.

God’s grace is a good thing because when I have weeks like this, I need to know I am not going to be tossed to the wolves. Even though I screw up and do stupid things, I know without a doubt that God still loves me and works with me to get back on track. My identity is secure in Him. I know He will not abandon me. In my search for good health, I’m not sure what I would do without Him. I have been such a mess at times, not really thinking about what I’m doing or saying but living in the moment of panic, fear, anxiety….wanting to control my surroundings. I can’t and how foolish of me to think I can. When my headspace and hormones are wacked out, however, I break down and cannot function the way normal people can. Dealing with symptoms of depression on and off is exhausting.

I’ve already faced two crisis situations this week and it’s only Monday, (still waiting for that yam cream ) and what is at least encouraging is that I recognized I was in crisis and knew what had to be done in order to stall the crazy making cycle. I wish I could’ve avoided the two traps in the first place but I couldn’t. Like I said, thank God for His grace and mercy in my life. When my headspace is back to normal, I will look at this week and laugh but right now, it’s not funny. It’s really rather quite scary.

Blood Analysis

I just had my blood analyzed for the first time a couple of nights ago. It was a pretty cool experience. My finger was pricked for blood then put under a microscope.  Apparently red blood cells are supposed to be round and free floating. Mine weren’t round. They were more disc shaped and stacked on top of each other looking like many caterpillars.

The blood under the microscope showed intestinal problems, which is a no-brainer, oxygen problems, thyroid problems…and it all stems from my liver. My liver is clogged causing a chain reaction.

So what do I do now? I have been put on Marshmallow and Pepsin, BLD-BLW Formula…for the bowel and Tonic Chi. I’m supposed to stay on this stuff for two months to clean out my liver and get digestion happening the way it’s supposed to.

My  blood looks like the one on the left. It should look like the one on the right. A visual like that will snap me into action like nothing else can.

I’m curious to see if my blood looks normal after two months of my liver cocktail.

Financial Peace University

First of all, thank you to those of you who supported us through a really tough week. Cameron was recently in the hospital with pneumonia for four days. He had already missed a couple of days of school before we took him in to get checked out. We were supposed to be going to our second class of Financial Peace when mom’s intuition said, “Something is really wrong here. We need to go to the ER instead.” Cameron has recovered and is doing much better. So, thank you for supper, Gloria, and thank you, Dan, for dropping in with cookies and jam and get-well notes from your kids. Thanks to those of you who encouraged me on Facebook and kept me going, knowing we were covered in prayer and good thoughts. There’s nothing like a sick child in the hospital to throw you off course and drain your energy.

Let’s back up a little to the Financial Peace part. Tim and I signed up for the course along with about 36 others and have attended one class already. I didn’t really know what to expect but had heard really good things about it. Last year our HouseChurch talked about doing it as a group but it didn’t work out, so here we are. Tim and I have wondered off-and-on if it was something we needed or if Dave Ramsey was just going to tell us stuff we already knew. We have a financial advisor, and she encourages us that we are on the right track.

This time around, however, God nudged us to jump on the wagon and go for a ride with many of our friends. Here we go! The first class was a bit overwhelming at first. Yes, we were doing a couple of things right, but there were a few major things that we were doing wrong (along with the majority of North Americans). A couple of questions right off the top were, “Do you have $1000 in an emergency fund?” No! Dave said to expect things to happen—emergencies come up. Wouldn’t you know it but last Saturday on my way to see Cameron in the hospital, I was rear-ended. Because of the way it happened and there being no witnesses, I got stuck with half the bill and a surcharge on my license. Life happens. That question didn’t seem so offensive when I heard the next one. “Do you have an account with three to six months worth of expenses in it?” Ah—does anybody in our age bracket? That would be another NO.

Well, that first class was a real eye opener. It was at least comforting to know that we were on the right track with credit cards, the envelope system, and investing. We’re not getting it all wrong. Even though I felt a little sucker-punched that first class, I also felt that Dave Ramsey was going to get us on the right track, if we were willing to put his ideas into practice. Part of me wanted to resist because I am a spender not a saver but at the same time, I knew this course would be a good thing. Accountability here we come. I am the one who does most of the shopping and looks after the bills and generally we do fine, but hearing some of the principles that Dave talked about made good sense and although they may be difficult to implement at first, they will bring us financial peace and help us to relax with our finances.

One of the things we learned that isn’t very shocking is that North Americans don’t save. We live paycheque to paycheque, spending what we have without an emergency fund or a savings account to pay for bigger purchases. Many use payment plans and credit cards because we are a “here and now” society. We have been trained to want what the Jones’ have without having to work hard and wait for it.

I am curious to see where Dave takes us over the next eleven weeks. I am already feeling challenged but in a good way. Tim and I want to be good stewards of our money and this is a good way to learn how to do it.

The changes we’ve made so far have given me a sense of freedom, control and peace all at the same time. Feel free to ask us how we’re doing over the next two months.

January’s Impact Article

Happy New Year! I hope you had good times with family and friends over the holidays. My family spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together with Tim’s parents, his brother Dave’s family, and his brother Mark. Mark lives in Alberta and doesn’t get home much, so it was extra special to have him home celebrating with us. We are fortunate in that we all get along and enjoy spending time with each other. Not all families are so blessed.

In fact, if I was to spend Christmas with my family in Ontario, there would be a sibling missing along with her children. Years ago she decided she didn’t want anything to do with us anymore. Each year the pain is less but there will always be a hole where she used to fit. I wonder, often, how she is getting along and hope that she is healthy and happy.

Tim and I had a conversation with a friend at church after the service last week whose family is at odds. It hurt to hear her pain and I wanted desperately to fix things for her, but I couldn’t. God needs to work, the way He does, in His own time. I pray that hearts will heal and relationships will be restored.

It made me realize how fortunate Tim and I are to always have a safe place to go when celebrations occur. Tim’s parents are incredibly supportive and encourage us continually by email, notes, gifts and hugs. Their notes are full of affirmation, love, support and pride. Each time we receive one of these notes, I think to myself, “I need to be more vocal about my own appreciation and love for them.” I then intend to send an email but get busy and forget and figure I’ll do it later. Later doesn’t usually come.

It’s easy to take their love for granted and not build into the relationship as much as they do because I know their love will always be there. Sound familiar? This kind of sounds like my relationship with God sometimes. I know He loves me, deeply, in fact. He sent His Son to die for me. What greater love could there be? Yet I take that love for granted, knowing it will always be there. I go about my daily business knowing I’ve forgotten something, but I am too lazy or preoccupied to do anything about it. I’m sure God often asks the question, “Do you really love me, Alison?” If the answer is yes, then why do I keep putting Him on the shelf?

The same way I need to be more intentional about appreciating those around me who love and support me, I need to be intentional about showing my love for God by giving Him my time. No matter what I do, He will always love me, but I want Him to be pleased with me. I want to know Him like He knows me. I want to desire that. Why is this so hard? Why do other things seem so important?

There is something else. As much as I don’t want to share this with you, maybe it’s a hurdle you are also trying to jump and I need to, so you don’t feel alone in your struggle. We were having supper one evening at home and we were talking about something that was frustrating. My son pipes up, “There seems to be a lot of complaining about….” Ouch! The conversation at the time wasn’t all that bad but venting at the table had become so common that my son had to snap me out of it.

It was interesting timing too, however, because I had noticed this about myself shortly before and had specifically prayed about it. I wasn’t thrilled with who I was when I got frustrated and upset about something. Colossians 4:6 says “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone.” My conversation was not always seasoned with salt, and it was not pleasing to God. There is no sin in frustration and anger but there is sin depending on what you do with it.

A good measuring stick to guide conversation would be to ask yourself, “How would the person I am talking about feel if they overheard me?” Personally, no matter how frustrated I get about something, I don’t want to be the cause of hurting someone else. There are always two sides to a situation and I don’t often know the other side. I need to work on giving others the benefit of the doubt and I need to work on dishing out a lot more grace.

This is very humbling to share but when we confess things, one to another, the power is taken out and we are on the right track to more Christ-like behaviour.

What is your stumbling block? Take the power out of it by telling another and free yourself of the burden.

May 2010 be a year of healing for those of you who need it, and a year of blessing and good health. May God meet you in ways you’ve never experienced before and may His grace flow through you to the people in your lives. Thank you for your love, friendship, and support. You are the best church.

New Family Members

Tim’s brother and wife recently adopted twin girls from Ethiopia. Ababech and Abebu. They flew out in September to get them and they’ve been in Canada about three and a half weeks. We just got to meet them on the weekend for our family Thanksgiving. They are adorable. They still have adjustment issues and probably will for quite awhile but it was great to finally meet them. Mom and dad are having a rough time helping them adapt to a new family and new surroundings.

Writing Contest

If you have followed my blog at all, you might know I entered a book in a writing contest. Well, the results came in last Friday and I did not win. It was a shot in the dark but needed to try.

I am in the process of formatting my book to have lulu.com print. I am hoping that I will have it sent in to Lulu in the next week. This book is called, “Then Sings My Soul.” It’s about depression and post partum psychosis, a story of life change. It’s not very long, maybe 116 pages or so. My goal is to help other women get through different stages of depression.

Once I have the book in my hands, I will likely have another site where you can order it from if you are interested. Stay tuned for details.